“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” -John F. Kennedy
Reflecting on that this morning, as it relates to this blog. I have certainly put a lot of effort into writing my HG story, editing it and re-editing it. obsessing over it (you will learn that I have a very obsessive personality, that I have to constantly keep in check- and I believe it is a big obstacle to my healing). It took a lot of courage to put the words onto screen and allow them to be shared. So far I have only shared them with a community that I know will be encouraging, But I eventually want to share it with everyone.
To what purpose? I touched on the subject yesterday. I write for my healing. I write to document my healing and my journey, so I can have a written account of where I’ve been and where I’m going. Direction.
But yesterday, this blog took on a life of its own. It received over 200 hits. I received a lot of feedback and words of encouragement. Others linked to it on their blogs. I read every comment. More precisely, I poured over every single comment. I repeated them, I memorized them. See? obsessive. I prayed for those who are on this path with me, I felt their prayers for me. I think we should walk together.
This blog is bigger than me. This issue is bigger than me. It is as Knocked Up- Knocked Over says: it’s a way to harness all this energy. And there is most definitely energy surrounding it.
I have reflected on it, and I don’t want to just write for me. I do want to write for others that’s the point of making it public, I guess. I want to spark discussion. I want to be a resource (if I can be) and I want to help myself and others along the way.
Well, now I have defined my purpose a little more. I need to figure out the direction, not an easy task, as I feel completely lost in generally right now.
The things I am pondering:
1. Do I respond to the comments? I do think the blog should be interactive. A coming together of community. But will it be too taxing on me? I don’t know how much of myself I have to give right now. Know, that even if I don’t respond, each comment is supremely precious to me.
2. What will my posts be about? They can’t just be about sadness, and they can’t just be about my day-to-day life either. Right now, I think they will be about the exact efforts I am taking to heal, and the things that I do for preparation for another pregnancy ( we are not trying for another pregnancy but I don’t want to ever be surprised without a plan again) and the different resources and research I come across.
3. How do I reach women who are suffering at this moment, both in the midst of HG or Post HG? Or contemplating a termination? What would I even say to them? I have tried to reach out to a few people in my local community. I am going to call a pregnancy crisis center today and make that contact for myself and others.
I still have a copy of Ashli’s book, Beyond Morning Sickness. I want to give it to my uneducated midwife, or the uneducated Nurse at the ER hospital. I want to give it to the OB/GYN I decide to use in the future. But I also want it to reach as many people as possible so that others can become educated and in turn Doctors will offer better medical care and women and friends of HG patients will know how to advocate for better medical care. Perhaps I will begin to drive to local hospitals passing out information from the HER website. I’ll let you know how that is received.
4. And lastly, can I combine some of my other hobbies and talents to give back to the HG community, to women who have lost? Can I effectuate healing in others, will it in turn effectuate healing in me? (I think I have a beautiful memorial token that I can create- further information in a future upcoming post- just trying to work out the details and the logistics)
Well today is therapy day, always a little rough. I will post on how it goes. What we discuss and any suggestions she has for me. For anyone in the South Florida area, I have a wonderful therapist who deals specifically with pregnancy loss.
Any thoughts and comments are as always sincerely welcomed.