adoption facilitator

We have a conference call with an adoption facilitator in a half hour.  I signed up for information, and filled out a preliminary application right after the loss. And then last week, they called me.  I figured the conference call couldn’t hurt.

My husband is currently at the doctor with my son, who is sick with fever, again! Story of our lives. (He started a new day care).

So not sure if hubby will make it for conference call or will be distracted anyway.  I don’t even really have any questions for this woman as I havn’t properly researched all our options or her organization/company.

I feel like I should be more excited about the call and gathering information. But I’m not right now.  I always felt such a strong pull toward adoption. And Hubby and I decided after the second pregnancy that if we were ever going to expand our family, it would be through adoption. But now the pull to bring a biologically baby into this world, and to go through a pregnancy even, is so strong for me.

I know I have to decide if the end goal is to expand our family or if I am just only searching to rewrite history.  The latter will still leave me aching. I know. I also know my arms are empty. And come the end of May there will not be another baby in them, as there should be.

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4 Responses to adoption facilitator

  1. Sue says:

    I feel exactly the same way you do right now. I’ve had 2 HG babies, terminated 3rd due to HG last year. Husband and I agreed never to try again, but a year later I want to try again and he is not so sure. I have also been asking myself whether I am just trying to rewrite history, to somehow rectify the tragedy of having to terminate last year.

  2. Ashli says:

    You don’t have to decide right now. Breathe.

    • Ashli you’re right.
      It actually went well in that my husband and I answered all the questions exactly the same. Made me feel close to him that we are on the same page about things in general, our beliefs, our expectations and what our family could look like. Except he said yes to twins and I said no. But I changed to yes. Why not. In the end I told the woman to keep everything on file, but we are not making any big decisions at the momen and that I appreciated her time.
      just taking it day by day.

  3. Ashli says:

    Good for you! And P.S. If you get twins, just slide one over to me! Problem solved!

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