Guess What?

I don’t care if I make anyone uncomfortable.  I am not a go quietly into the night kind of person.

If you care for me, then you should see how I am now. Broken.  You can be gentle with me, or you can ignore me.  The former will probably help me to come out of this alive, but the latter won’t really kill me either. 

If you love me at all, then remember my baby. She was and is deeply loved by me. and I miss her. I miss her even though it was me who sent her away.

 It’s ok to say you are sorry, in fact I actually appreciate the sentiment.  And guess what, it’s ok to say it more than once.  Don’t tell me to love the children I have here. I DO. fiercely.  Maybe even more fiercely than anyone has ever loved anyone. Don’t tell me to shed this.  If it were that easy I would have done so already. Don’t tell me that I made the right decision. It may or may not have been right or wrong. I just know it feels wrong.  But here I am mostly alive, so I don’t know. I don’t have a crystal ball.

I can’t just get over it! When has anyone ever known for me to be silent about ANYTHING?  Was I silent when I was sexually assaulted? or did I address it in an open forum? That was when I was healed. That’s where change comes from.

“It takes two people to speak the truth: One to speak and another to hear.”

I am not a go silently in the night kind of person.

When has anyone ever known silence to be the answer to anything? This is a real issue. Clearly.  There are too many women who are left to suffer while pregnant. There are too many doctors not taking the needs of women seriously. Our health is affected. The health and lives of our children are affected. This is a real cause.  It is so much bigger than my pain, but it is born of my pain.

This weekend, when I was holding my beautiful little boy, the tears started flowing, as they frequently do.  Do you know what he did? He picked up his own shirt and wiped the tear from my left eye and then wiped the tear from my right eye.  He took my face in his hands and kissed me.

That is how you comfort someone whose heart has been broken. And when you can, go out and speak the truth and give testimony.

Gallery | This entry was posted in hyperemesis gravidarum, Perception of Medical Community, supporting a woman through an HG pregnancy, theraputic termination, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Guess What?

  1. Ashli says:


  2. Lynn says:

    Completely agreed. Broken is probably the best way to explain how I feel – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Speaking out and sharing information is one way that I am healing.

  3. Ashli says:

    Thinking of you, Lynn, and praying for comfort from the God Who would not bruise a broken reed. (((((Lynn)))))

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