I would be entering my third trimester today.  I woke up feeling sad and then I realized that.  A former friend is having her baby shower this weekend. I wasn’t invited. I lost touch with that group of friends some on purpose, others not purposely, so I wouldn’t have been invited. But I feel sad to know we were due so close and that she is celebrating the imminant arrival and I am in mourning.  I promised myself I wouldn’t torture myself today by looking at sonograms pictures of babies, or go on blogs where women are expecting.

Last night we were suppose to have a webinar on another adoption agency.  I didn’t do it. Something about it still isn’t ringing true for me. It’s VERY expensive to start the process and I’m a little weary of the possible exploitative nature of the whole thing, how they really seek out young and often vulnerable women and advertise their services. Also it feels a little like I want a baby so badly and I miss my baby so badly that I’m just trying to buy one. I don’t think that’s a good thing.  Now don’t get me wrong, I certainly think there is a place in this world for adoption and that it can  certainly be a beautiful act of grace. ( I also think that it’s a bit of a band-aid to a society that doesn’t support women and children properly- but those thoughts are for another time). I want to make sure and be certain that if we choose to go this route, that it is nothing but an act of grace and a source of beauty in everyone’s life, and I’m not there just yet. Feel free to rip me a new one on these thoughts if you so wish. I only aim to relay my truth.  All of this doesn’t stop me from pouring over websites of adoption agencies and reading law and dreaming about it.

So in an attempt to at best be sort of productive, or at worst do something that makes me feel in control and a little better, I finalized my list of things I need to do in order to begin TTC (trying to conceive).  Yes this post just jumped from adoption to TTC, a testiment to how all my thoughts just jump around right now.

Things to do before TTC

  • Get Full blood work done (addisons disease, H.pylori, thyroid, iron count, vitamin deficiency –especially B)
  • Freeze food for at least a  month worth, hopefully two, prior to TTC.  See websites on once a month cooking. Boil eggs and freeze for easy breakfasts. (
  • Write letter asking for help from family and what kind of help they can offer. Specific  letter  to husband to remind him of misery and why we choose to do this and the support he needs to offer. Letter should let people know I want my baby and termination is not an option or a good suggestion.
  • Draft General email to others to let them know what is going on and that I am not ignoring them or not thinking of them during this time.
  • Set up actual schedule of help from family, friends, church, anyone willing to help. (cleaning, food/groceries, laundry, Dog, watching kids-taking them out of sick house, helping with my hair so it doesn’t dread if that can be avoided.) So that everyone has a role and knows what specific help they can give if they so wish to.
  • Create grocery list of things/brands we buy.  Make copies to leave on fridge so someone can circle when we are out of it and it can be given out to people to help with shopping and Husband can use it when grocery shopping. (print out easy recipes that correspond with grocery list for husband)
  • Collect take out menus from various nearby places.  Put in folder in kitchen with copies on binder
  • Organize house a little more, especially kids closets and play rooms (so toys are easy for them to get on their own).  Set up bins for clothes, Mon-Sun. So once a week, kid’s oufits can be laid out and they can dress themselves or easy for Husband to dress them in morning.
  • Find something husband can do at night while kids sleeping  to get him out of house and not going crazy (ie night hockey league- if we can afford, or subscription to netflix)
  • Move cups and snacks on lower shelf so kids can help themselves.  Buy juice boxes (yuck but easy).
  • Purchase hot lunch for kids school lunch so you won’t have to worry about making lunches.
  • What holidays/birthdays will I miss? Prepare ahead of time
  • Find new job that would be supportive talk to work. Save for when you get fired.
  • Have insurance backup for if/when you get fired, ie fill out Medicaid pregnant woman insurance ahead of time at ready to send.
  • Try to meet with other OBs (not in love with one I found exactly) Maybe I need a perinatologist-referral: . ?’s to ask DR (dicteyln(sp)- script from Canada, feelings on Marijuana, steroid use, home health care, picc line, aggressive treatment, perinatolgoist)
  • Talk to Daughter’s bio father about what happens to her and my son, if something happens to me- get a plan in writing, although he probably won’t do it. (NEED TO THIS REGARDLESS OF TTC)
  • Finish Making emergency kits:  (vomit bags for car, vomit bucket in bedroom and bathrooms-keep under sink,  medicine at ready, ginger capsules, cups from Dunkin’D for spit (hide because site of them makes you vomit) towels for spit in nightstand next to bed they need to be WHITE. Essential oils- spearmint/lemon, helpful phone numbers (can also go in binder, support, dr) enemas, Colace, pads for accidents) Make this something you can travel with quickly if need be.
  • buy extra sheets so we can change them often
  • Stock house with some food that possibly can be tolerated like last two times (instant mash potato, strawberry pop tart, tropicana fruit punch, potato chips and small frozen pizzas) Let go of your organic craziness. Buy cooler to put next to bed to keep food in- if tolerated so I don’t have to get up. Something that won’t smell?
  • Collect resumes/hire someone for help, housekeeper/organizer, babysitter for kids.
  • Speak with homeopathic dr. about plans/timeline and her suggestions
  • Hire/pay for pre-partum doula- meet with women at amazing births (doula location in S.Fla).
  • Talk to kid’s school about possible change of home life. Put Sawyer in full time day care?
  • Husband get a job to support family while I can’t work But something where he can still be around? 
  • Get books or something that you can read when on bed rest and/or simple craft project to help pass time.
  • Buy PrimaBella bands. Ahead of time.
  • Attend and tape hypnotherapy session to use prior and during.
  • Set up acupuncture appointments ahead of time, preemptively go.
  • Do cleanses, liver gall-bladder, under homeopathic supervision. Take supplements. Probiotics, milk thistle, vitamin B etc.  Change diet- go paleo,  Workout as you like or add weight? Not sure yet.
  • Preemptively take prenatal vitamins or folic acid.
  • Set automatic bill payments up online so we don’t loose track of what needs to be paid and don’t’ get behind on bills. Maybe only set up essentials water, rent, electricity, phone.  Try to defer school loans or lower payments if you are not going to be working.  Print out paperwork ahead of time so ready to send if needed.
  • Borrow/buy portable microwave oven that can be set up in the garage, so I don’t have to smell foods cooking, if that becomes a problem. 
  • Stock up on unscented soaps and shampoos, laundry detergent, dishwasher soap (buy soap nuts for husband and kids (hide husbands cologne and get rid of all scented products so they aren’t accidentally used).  (Also unscented trash bags). Show husband how to use soap nuts (healthier than chemicals anyway)
  • Buy Toothpaste and little tooth brush that won’t make you gag. Set up dentist appointment for teeth cleaning before TTC (for kids too, so don’t have to worry about taking them). Stock up on tooth brushes for kids.
  • Educate mom and husband on how best to advocate at hospitals/dr. offices. Go over “Master binder” and handouts.  Let Husband read beyond morning sickness. 
  • Finish preparing “Master Binder” to be used as a reference for myself and family members and doctors.  Put info and handouts in there from help her. Org as needed to give to doctors health professionals family members, etc.
  • Frame all three past sonogram pictures as a reminder of why you are doing this. 
  • Blog/journal if you can to keep you sane and record experience.
  • Talk with kids, try to come up with something we may be able to do to spend a little time together. IE blow bubbles on patio. Go to beach with daddy and watch them play.
  • Read mama has hyperemesis ahead of time with kids so they will understand what is going to happen, talk to them about their feelings. This maybe upon BFP (Big Fat Positive- pregnancy test)

    stock up on paper plates, cups, dinnerware etc. (this is not environmentally friendly, but if i’m concerned about my carbon footprint 99.9% of the time, I think that earns me a pass) Dishes are one less thing Hubby has to worry about.

*updates as I think of them are in italics

This entry was posted in adoption, explaining loss to children, Preparation For Pregnancy, trying to conceive and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to List

  1. Ashli says:

    Holy smokes! This is a GREAT list! Whenever BMS goes into revision, I may just have to borrow this! 😉
    Agree 110% on all thoughts re: adoption.

  2. Diana J. says:

    Hi, Juliana!

    I hope you got my message (responded to your comment on my blog)! I am so sorry that I completely missed all of these entries until yesterday (I thought I had subscribed, but hadn’t). I spent yesterday and today reading up and getting caught up with all that has been going on with you.

    And…. wow. I am thinking of you and praying for you. I can’t say “I know how you feel,” because only you have lived through the experiences that are now in your heart. I can only imagine the pain and the heartache and send my love out to you while you deal with your experience and the loss of your little one.

    Re: Your post on religion: I, like several other commenters, am one who has found my peace and truth through Christ. Finding God is a journey that can’t be hurried, but I wanted to let you know that if you ever have questions or want to talk, I’m here on that one. I experienced a long stand-off from God after my round #1 with HG that I am only now coming out of, and it has been a long road (4 years), even though I was a believer before HG. Anyhow, I’m always here on that one, as on any subject.

    Though I am an HG blogger, my case of HG was really only borderline (some would call it HG, some wouldn’t). It drove me to desperation, despair, and hopelessness of a type that I cannot even describe…. so I know that mothers with severe HG, such as yourself and so many others, have dealt with a horror that I can only begin to imagine. My goal is to keep spreading information and awareness, though the task is an overwhelming one, and to keep putting our experiences out there. Thank you so much for the work you are doing and the vulnerability you are willing to assume in putting your story out there.

    I have had tons of things that I wanted to comment on while reading, but wasn’t able to put them all down. I will hope to keep up with you on an entry-to-entry basis from here on out. Feel free to write any time!


  3. Rosa says:

    Wow, you’ve really put a lot of thought into this! I saw a lot of things I had not thought off. What you could add to your list is: get in shape both psysically (is this a word? I’m not a native english speaker 🙂 ) and mentally; make sure you are a little bit overweight so you can stand to lose it.

    And re books to read during HG: my absolute favorite was calvin and hobbes!!! It’s funny, it’s short, you don’t have to do much to read it. Other comics will work well too. My runner up are audiobooks! I’ve listened to Harry potter (told by Stephen Fry) and it was marvelous. It’s like you are 8 again and someone is reading to you 🙂

    I do hope you won’t need your list! (in a good way off course 🙂 )

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