but I’m not. I mean it would have been nearly an immaculate conception, but I was kind of excited at the idea. I was going to buy a pregnancy test today. But now I don’t have to. I’m not ready to be pregnant and I’m definitely not trying to get pregnant, But when I thought I was, I was kind of excited anyway. I should probably feel relieved that I’m not, but instead I feel upset about it. It is mixed with the feeling that I am not actually third trimester pregnant like I should be. So I feel kind of angry.
Tonight is the bible study class. I read the book, I didn’t do the exercises or fill out the work sheet like she said I have to. It doesn’t make sense. One of the first questions is about keeping the pregnancy and subsequent abortion a secret. Um, I told people I didn’t even know I was pregnant right after I got the double lines! and I continue to tell people about the termination. People I don’t even know.
Tomorrow starts my gym sessions. I am actually more excited about that than tonight. I have it on Wed. too and then on Thurs I am going to see my homeopathic Dr. to talk about cleanses etc. So a busy week, and I guess I’ll see my kids on Friday. But I do like feeling proactive. I’m trying to fake it until I make it.