It should all be downhill from here right?
I feel like I am getting a little stronger day by day. A lot of my moments that should just be happy are still bittersweet. Like last night, I was tickling my son’s thighs before bed ( I know what mom gets her kids all tickled and hyper right before bed :)) and he was doing that belly laugh that only little ones do really, and it was so sweet, because I realized how little he still is, and how he’s my baby, but then my thoughts turned to how there would be a baby in the house now, and he wouldn’t be the baby of the family. I don’t know, it was just this sad thought, in the midst of this really sweet moment, and then I hated that I have sad thoughts in what should only be happy moments. And I’m just not sure that will ever change, maybe the frequency will change though. I hear it will.
The pastor said a nice prayer on our day. I kind of wish I could remember it, but I don’t really. I was crying and so was my husband and the day was a whirlwind with graduation. I know he said something like “we will get to be with her in eternal life”, and that sounds real sweet, and I wish I could believe it. I am trying to. We go to church every sunday, and I pray a lot, and meditate a lot, and I’ve been trying to read the bible, but the truth is, I really don’t believe it all. I can’t suspend rational thought and take that leap of faith yet. But that’s not to say that it all hasn’t brought me some comfort, because it has. So I continue with that struggle as well.
I’ve been drinking my green detox stuff at night. Its all natural and it tastes so bad! I think about the baby I want to hold in my arms right before I guzzle that stuff. Its called amazing Grace: “amazing trio, barley grass, wheat grass, alfalfa” http://www.taoofherbs.com/products/5714/AmazingGrass/AmazingTrio.htm
It’s suppose to be a cleanse/dietary support for the gut. I know I gave it a real good introduction, I think I called it poop in another post, so you know you want it. It truly is all natural and organic ingredients, I can say that for it, so its a gentle cleanse, if you were in the market for one.
I have another detox that I take in the morning, which is probiotics and green food and includes milk thistle. I’ll find out the name and post if anyone is interested. I also finished the mastic gum for the h.pylori and am going to start another round.
I have been taking baths in Epson salt in an effort to increase magnesium, but I’m not sure if that has any scientific basis for Hyperemesis, but it feels relaxing on my muscles, so I figure it can’t hurt.
I don’t know if any of this is/will work, but I can say I feel really good on it. I do notice a difference in that my belly doesn’t get distended through out the day, and I definitely feel more, um regular.
I also like doing all this, because it just makes me feel proactive. It makes me feel like I have control over something (my health) and that perhaps there is hope that some of this will help/work for a future pregnancy, and that a pregnancy can be in my future.And if it all doesn’t work at all (which is very likely), Well, I’ll be prepared for that too. I’m hitting and preparing and attacking from all sides.