Some Kind of Crazy Stuff Going on Over Here

Ok, I debated about whether or not I would share this, because it is kind of crazy and I am not even sure what my reaction to all of this is yet, so really going to be unsure about everyone else’s reaction. But, I share all types of crazy stuff with you guys anyway so here goes….

The woman that I have been meeting with, the bible study group etc., works at a pregnancy crisis center, and she gave me the name of a social worker who works in adoptions, and told me she would be a good resource to call, when I mentioned that possible interest.

Well, I have had her number in my wallet for a long time and then last week I was sitting at my desk, and decided to randomly call her. We talked for a while, about agency vs. attorney and home studies, etc.. We hit it off and she was really nice to spend the time talking to me.

Later that night, she left me a voice message that said she had something come up and could I please call her.

So I called, and she proceeded to tell me about a woman who called her that same day, (referred to her by another social worker that she works with), who is thinking of placing her baby.

She told me how in Florida, there are not too many families willing to adopt outside of their race and as a result they have a few birth moms who they refer to attorneys or agencies that end up not finding a family for their baby. I don’t know about you, but this was shocking to me, and I am still struggling to fully believe this.  I had told her that my husband and I felt comfortable parenting any race child, and that we just started a business so I put a lot of our savings into that and wouldn’t have the money to adopt just yet. So, she though of us when this woman called, and thought perhaps it wasn’t a coincidence. She did say she is really not legally allowed to do this, because she is not a facilitator or anything, but she just figured, if it had worked out and we made a private match and went through an attorney (I happen to know a few of those) that it would be less expensive and maybe an everyone wins situation. So they asked if I would put together a letter to the birth mother telling her about our family and why we want to adopt. I talked to my husband about it, and he wasn’t totally on board, but I said the letter can’t hurt, then from there we will discuss.

I wrote the letter, and got word yesterday that the birthmom wants to go forward and wants to meet us.  Now I’m all types of confused. The Birth Mom is 40 years old and has a daughter under 10 already. They are a Haitian family. She is married but legally separated and the father is not the man she is married too (so there is a legal father, and a bio dad who would have to sign off- although they don’t anticipate any problems). There is no history of drug use.

So there you have it.  All this just kind of fell into my lap, and while I am sort of excited about the idea, I feel really terrified about all of it.  My husband is not totally on board, but I’m not sure I am either.  I don’t want to meet her and then have to reject her, I think that’s scary and horrible, so I don’t really know what to do. I always said I would parent any race, but I’m not entirely sure I thought through what that might actually entail or mean, and so that is playing in my mind, as well as all the other adoption issues.

I also don’t want to just turn my back on something that may seemingly be this easy on a process that is usually difficult either, perhaps there is a meant to be element here. I don’t know!!

There you have it, crazy right?

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7 Responses to Some Kind of Crazy Stuff Going on Over Here

  1. Oh wow! That is a lot to take in. I have always wanted to adopt even though my husband has told me no. It would have been sure easier on me just to adopt, however, I wanted biological children also. Especially after my first experience with HG, I really wanted to “prove myself” and see if I could go through pregnancy more gracefully than I had gone through with my first. The same happened after my second, and after my third (my worst–almost died) I still have it in my head that I can get through another pregnancy better than the last one.

    Go with your heart. I’m not good at telling people no, and I don’t know if I could turn down a mother after meeting her. Haitian babies are beautiful, though. There’s a lot to think about. As long as the process is legally okay from your knowledge, I guess it doesn’t hurt to ponder or even meet the mother.

    If you ever need to talk, my e-mail is speculativespeculum@gmail.com

  2. Ashli says:

    The only advice I would venture to give is that in adopting a child, imho, it shouldn’t be mostly about you and what you want but mostly about the child and what is best for him/her. The husband not being fully on board is kind of a red flag, imho. Could be a source of contention at some point which might not be fair to kids. But all that being said, I know a mom who suffered from HG who went through HELL with the first and then lost him at 32 weeks. She filled out adoption papers from the hospital bed if I recall correctly. And she and her husband adopted a beautiful little girl who is a different race than they (they are Caucasian and their daughter is African American). This child was soon followed by an adopted son who is the same race as his adopted sister (both adopted in FL–people LOVE to adopt from FL because it’s one of the toughest states for bparents, esp. bdads, to contest). The parents then went on to have a Caucasian bchild, and they have a happy blended family. I can get you in touch with her to talk about things if you like. Her opinions would matter much more than mine on the subject. What do I know? Adoption is not my forte. Puking, maybe, but not adoption. What credentials!

  3. Cherry says:

    Wow I found your blog through the HG site in the adoption/surr section as we are looking into adopting and dont know where to start, We are in Fl also and it seem to be more about money than anything else when we contact agencies so we havent signed anything yet, If there are any #’ you could give us for speaking to someone for a private adoption I’d love to have it. And for your situation just go with your heart and what’s best for you, your family and the baby. It’s not easy this whole proscess so if something like this falls in your lap and you are ready go for it!
    My prayer are with you for guidance.

    Cherry

  4. Rosa says:

    Just want to give you some moral support! I think these sort of things are always a bit scary specially if it is all going so fast.
    Try to explore all the hesitations you and your husband have and determine if they are ‘dealbreakers’. Most practical stuff will sort itself out!
    At one point you will know what to do and what is good for you and your husband.

    Oh and remember that the birthmother is probably just as scared as you are! She is considering giving up her child after all, that would terrify me!

  5. Ashli says:

    Cherry, you are SPOT on about the money. One of my closest friends is a bmom (adoption took place in FL), and I could tell you stories that would curl your toes. Adoption is a BUSINESS.

  6. Cherry says:

    It really is, makes me sad that money comes before getting these babies/kids a good home=( We would take a child tonight if we could and are more than capable of affording one but it’s so much money talk it just turns me off and really no guarentee after you shell out 15K when or even if you will get a child so for now we just pray and researched as much as we can.

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