Ok, I debated about whether or not I would share this, because it is kind of crazy and I am not even sure what my reaction to all of this is yet, so really going to be unsure about everyone else’s reaction. But, I share all types of crazy stuff with you guys anyway so here goes….
The woman that I have been meeting with, the bible study group etc., works at a pregnancy crisis center, and she gave me the name of a social worker who works in adoptions, and told me she would be a good resource to call, when I mentioned that possible interest.
Well, I have had her number in my wallet for a long time and then last week I was sitting at my desk, and decided to randomly call her. We talked for a while, about agency vs. attorney and home studies, etc.. We hit it off and she was really nice to spend the time talking to me.
Later that night, she left me a voice message that said she had something come up and could I please call her.
So I called, and she proceeded to tell me about a woman who called her that same day, (referred to her by another social worker that she works with), who is thinking of placing her baby.
She told me how in Florida, there are not too many families willing to adopt outside of their race and as a result they have a few birth moms who they refer to attorneys or agencies that end up not finding a family for their baby. I don’t know about you, but this was shocking to me, and I am still struggling to fully believe this. I had told her that my husband and I felt comfortable parenting any race child, and that we just started a business so I put a lot of our savings into that and wouldn’t have the money to adopt just yet. So, she though of us when this woman called, and thought perhaps it wasn’t a coincidence. She did say she is really not legally allowed to do this, because she is not a facilitator or anything, but she just figured, if it had worked out and we made a private match and went through an attorney (I happen to know a few of those) that it would be less expensive and maybe an everyone wins situation. So they asked if I would put together a letter to the birth mother telling her about our family and why we want to adopt. I talked to my husband about it, and he wasn’t totally on board, but I said the letter can’t hurt, then from there we will discuss.
I wrote the letter, and got word yesterday that the birthmom wants to go forward and wants to meet us. Now I’m all types of confused. The Birth Mom is 40 years old and has a daughter under 10 already. They are a Haitian family. She is married but legally separated and the father is not the man she is married too (so there is a legal father, and a bio dad who would have to sign off- although they don’t anticipate any problems). There is no history of drug use.
So there you have it. All this just kind of fell into my lap, and while I am sort of excited about the idea, I feel really terrified about all of it. My husband is not totally on board, but I’m not sure I am either. I don’t want to meet her and then have to reject her, I think that’s scary and horrible, so I don’t really know what to do. I always said I would parent any race, but I’m not entirely sure I thought through what that might actually entail or mean, and so that is playing in my mind, as well as all the other adoption issues.
I also don’t want to just turn my back on something that may seemingly be this easy on a process that is usually difficult either, perhaps there is a meant to be element here. I don’t know!!
There you have it, crazy right?