The Trip I Was Suppose to Take a Year Ago

We just got back from visiting my friend and sister and her new baby (although new is used lightly because we were there for his first birthday).  Maybe you remember it was the trip I cancelled and could have no way gone on last year.  It was bitter sweet to be taking the trip the same time as I was suppose to, and it brought me down HG and termination memory lane, but it was also fun too. Exhausting as we covered a lot of ground in a week.  My sister’s children are beautiful. Her baby looks just like her, and he looks just like an angel.  He wanted to be on my sister’s him all the time, so I didn’t get to cuddle him as much as I would have liked, and it only made my longing for a baby of my own stronger. One year old babies are just perfect. They are rolly and pudgy and smiley and past the newborn stage, which although cute, is a lot of darn work! I am still waiting for someone to just hand me one.

But the trip down HG memory lane, did put me in check too, so you know, there won’t be any newborns around here for a while. Especially if my husband has his way, but that’s a post for another time.

We enjoyed or visit. It is good to keep busy during these times.  We celebrated my HG babies third birthday, in his hometown of Cambridge, MA.  We took him to the Harvard Museum right where we use to live. They have dinosaur bones, my boy is obsessed with dinosaurs. Its like the only word he says all day long, from the second he wakes up to the moment he is sleeping, and sometimes in his sleep-OBSESSED.  Have I mentioned I have an obssessive personality too?

Anyway we were right by his birth center, no one else was up for a reenactment of his birth and our trip to the center, but I did it in my head all day 😉 ( I sadly thought about the HG I endured with him all day too) You have to take the bitter with the sweet sometimes I guess.  But when I look at him on his birthday, the sense of accomplishment I feel is huge.  That I endured all I did, that I was strong, that I didn’t give in to my thoughts of ending that pregnancy, and here he is: alive, breathing, asking me to dance and loving dinosaurs.

I am coming up to a year when I terminated the last pregnancy. October 13th. I won’t soon forget the date.

As for my job. I have choosen to follow my gut feeling. I kept trying to talk myself out of my gut feeling because it didn’t seem to make sense, it still doesn’t. I still flip flop in my head and say, well what if… But in the past I have gotten in trouble doing that.  I am staying at the job I’m currently at. I am not going to take the other position that promises more money, and more power. I might be crazy.  And worse, they think I am starting tomorrow and I havn’t told them I’m not yet. I think thats one of the biggest bridge burning things I’ve ever done.  But I seem to like where I am right now, and I havn’t liked a job in a long time. The medical insurance is better and they seem like they will be open to flex time, two considerations that are important to me if I ever want to have a possible HG pregnancy.

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