Sometimes You Have to Fight that Battle More than Once to Win It.

I’m not entirely sure why the title of this post feels right to me today, but it does. I don’t know what battle I’m referring to specifically.

I think I must be PMS-ing right now. In fact about 50 pregnancy tests have confirmed that that is what must be going on. Because clearly I am not pregnant.  Thank goodness for the dollar store because i would go bankrupt if I bought these many tests at the drug store.

I was absolutely sure that I am happy with just two children and I don’t want another right now, I even voiced these sentiments out loud, to my husband. I felt really good about it, really confident. I am happy, I don’t want anything to change. My two, are a LOT of work. And my son is just starting to get to a place where life with him is manageable, and we can take him out and its even enjoyable,  (even though he still gives us a run for our money).

Then this month, I had a week where I was convinced I was pregnant and I was terrified, not just of HG but of having another child (the HG plays a big role in it).

However, instead of feeling relief,  I cursed every single test that said negative. And I cursed the dollar store for obviously making crappy and wrong tests. And I cursed the people that are getting pregnant, And then for good measure I cursed myself, because I thought I was done fighting this battle.

…But I guess, I am not. It still rages on in my heart. And today I feel restless and angry and disappointed, and I’m not entirely sure why.

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4 Responses to Sometimes You Have to Fight that Battle More than Once to Win It.

  1. mom says:

    Your family is great, when I walk in the door love surrounds me. Leave the rest to the universe it will reward you with the blessings you need.

  2. Diana says:

    “I was convinced I was pregnant and I was terrified…. However, instead of feeling relief, I cursed every single test that said negative.”

    I can only say that THIS IS ME – again and again and again. No matter how terrified I am of pregnancy (and I am pretty darn terrified) I always curse every single negative test. I am totally with you on that one!!

  3. Ashli says:

    I like the title. But you’d better be “armed and dangerous” b4 waging that war again. Things can get really ugly, really fast.
    Never say die.

  4. Marv Whorton says:

    Very true. HG can really haunt you..

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